In the all the glitz, glamor, and glitter of after Christmas sales, we’re bombarded with announcements of massive storewide sales, designed to lure us back into stores so we can continue to shop until we drop–as if we hadn’t had enough of that already. And just in case you happen to be completely in the dark about the true meaning of what a “STOREWIDE” sale is, allow me to explain:
A “STOREWIDE” sale excludes anything that is already on sale, anything that’s discounted, miscounted, or near the front of the store. Anything near the back of the store isn’t included either; including—but not limited to—anything between the front and the back of the store.
Any item that any of that store’s competitors sell for a higher—or lower price—is excluded. Stuff that you absolutely had your heart set on getting, specifically with that incredible storewide sale, is most certainly not included either.
Stuff you didn’t know you needed but decided you did once you saw it in the store – also excluded.
Valid only in the state of shopping confusion. All taxes, mysteriously added higher prices, and standing in long lines to find all this out apply. See store managers for additional frustration.